pause from the brony fandom, or "i vent"
Jan. 16th, 2019 02:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hagaardremember when I wrote "My next post will be a writing prompt"? well. lies. it's not done yet 'cuz it's exam period right now, so I essentially have no time for this. instead, I'm going to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time: screaming into the void. I never had a place to scream into the void before, but now I do. I should have started doing this a long time ago...
anyways, if you want to read my two cents on the current state of the brony fandom and how I feel about it, then it's under the cut. and if you don't... you're probably right. after all, this is self-indulgent.
So I've been sucked into MLP a few years ago, in the French equivalent of high school. I can't remember when exactly, but I do remember that I was suffering from pretty severe depression. When I discovered the show, which was on a vacation day, I binged the first season in an afternoon, and followed with the second the very next day. It was... different. Refreshing. Bright. Colorful. Happy. I felt like I had found something that I was missing. And I loved it.
I started searching for content online. I found forums, websites, fiction repositories... all in French, since I hadn't learnt English at the time. But the content was... disappointing? Not what I was looking for. The big forum I joined was very toxic. I still have an account there, but I never visit. The fiction repository was better, but still had its fair share of drama. I wasn't satisfied. The bulk of the content was locked behind a language barrier.
I tore it down in a few months. A few months is all it took me to go from "hello-how-are-you-goodbye" to a good enough level that I was able to understand most of what I was reading. Not everything, of course. But enough. And from there, I would only go up. That's so emotionally invested I was; and, despite this, I could never talk about all of this to anyone. I was constantly looking for new content, but I was so anxious about myself and talking about what I liked that I never really got to talking to the content creators I was adoring. I never talked to anyone about the happiness they filled my life with. I was having suicidal thoughts, but here they were, with their beautiful stories about pastel horses doing stuff. It kept me alive, and I never thanked them. I didn't talk to my own therapist about this, and yet I could have trusted this man with my life! That's how anxious I was talking about my hobbies.
During all this time, I was vaguely aware of the controversies about the fandom. To outsiders, we were a joke. A black sheep, to point at and laugh at. And I don't know how to feel about this, because now, I feel... they can be right. I'd like to say we generally have a safe and welcoming community. I'd love to say that everyone in the MLP fandom is nice and kind. But I feel like I can't say this. There is an uncomfortable number of alt-right sympathizers (read: fascists) that proudly wear MLP badges and such. There are an uncomfortable number of misogynistic assholes within the community. The fandom often gets angry over little nothings. I have met a number of homophobic, transphobic people within the community. I feel like Hasbro is uncomfortable of our very existence because of this.
I still remember that one guy in one of the forums I was visiting, that had as a signature (roughly translated): < "Lesbian ponies" is lunacy, and the worst idea the fandom ever came up with. > I didn't understand why this made me so uncomfortable while younger. Now I know why. It's the idea that lesbian cartoon ponies, homosexual fictional characters, should be treated as fucking jokes, that made me uncomfortable. This guy had no issues shipping a mare with a stallion. At the exact moment it was two mares together (and considering the very balanced cast of 90% mares, which I'm not complaining about by the way, the target is supposed to be girls), it was a joke. It wasn't serious. It was lunacy. This guy couldn't understand w/w pairings as anything else than a joke.
Holy shit.
Also. Adult content! I would usually argue against talking about the adult part of any fandom, 'cuz they're generally a more niche thing? I think? But when half of the featured box in your biggest fanfiction repository, fimfiction.net, is smut fiction, I'd also argue it's a part significant enough that you'll want to talk about it, so here we are. MLP adult content is like any content. There is the better part, which is... cute ponies having fun and it's also hot. And that may be just my perception, but I feel like that's not what the bulk of the content is. We get a lot more of... general sexism, rape, gore, exaggeration, "extreme" content. And y'know, if porn is your thing and you're able to dissociate the reality from what you watch, then go nuts or something. But as the audience gets younger (we used to get a lot of 40s in the fandom, now most who join are 15 or whatever), you'll also expose people that don't have the tools to deal with this stuff and will confuse it with reality. And I really think we as a fandom don't generally put up enough content warnings for that. Not nearly enough. (also. foalcon. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HAIRY. STOP DOING THAT.)
A whole lot of other shit, too! Weird ships that are both popular and potentially abusive! I used to ship Twilestia, aka a student and her mentor/motherly figure, which is NOT FINE! unless you screw with the canon to change a lot of things in their relationships. Don't get me started on Lunestia, they are SISTERS STOP DOING THIS INTERNET! Outside of shipping wars, now, there was that debate on one featured fic about whether making a joke about transgender people being traps and transwomen being disgusting was fun: it was a terrible joke, stop calling out others for being "overly sensitive". Fallout: Equestria, the crossover that literally split the fandom in half! That is not a joke. And what would be a good fandom without its edgy fiction where the entire country gets brainwashed, the women are now all slaves, the men are now all phallocentred assholes that spend their free time thing about sex or raping every woman they see? I'll tell you what it would be: A MUCH BETTER FANDOM. This story is literally "what if I narrated a game of FATAL"? And it's awful, of course, but also, absolutely exhausting.
So I stopped seeking MLP-related content. I was so focused on the negatives, at some point, I couldn't take it anymore. I took a pause. I stopped checking for updates on stories I was following, stopped making searches. Despite this, I was still reading stuff about other things. There sometimes was a joke about how bronies were all ugly fat kissless virgins, and it always hurt me to read it, because I knew it was a lie. But sometimes, I believed it. I never really got a chance to talk to anyone about this.
I'm glad I can now. I should have created my own little corner to scream into the void a long time ago. I should be able to talk about my interests, rather than reading what others think about them. Everybody should relieve themselves of the pressure sometimes. Can you believe I never once did that? I used to had a blog somewhere else, but the platform was and still is absolute garbage.
welp, here ends the rant. better post this on my tumblr too until I chicken out like I did with that infodump about that one game nobody cares about.
anyways, if you want to read my two cents on the current state of the brony fandom and how I feel about it, then it's under the cut. and if you don't... you're probably right. after all, this is self-indulgent.
So I've been sucked into MLP a few years ago, in the French equivalent of high school. I can't remember when exactly, but I do remember that I was suffering from pretty severe depression. When I discovered the show, which was on a vacation day, I binged the first season in an afternoon, and followed with the second the very next day. It was... different. Refreshing. Bright. Colorful. Happy. I felt like I had found something that I was missing. And I loved it.
I started searching for content online. I found forums, websites, fiction repositories... all in French, since I hadn't learnt English at the time. But the content was... disappointing? Not what I was looking for. The big forum I joined was very toxic. I still have an account there, but I never visit. The fiction repository was better, but still had its fair share of drama. I wasn't satisfied. The bulk of the content was locked behind a language barrier.
I tore it down in a few months. A few months is all it took me to go from "hello-how-are-you-goodbye" to a good enough level that I was able to understand most of what I was reading. Not everything, of course. But enough. And from there, I would only go up. That's so emotionally invested I was; and, despite this, I could never talk about all of this to anyone. I was constantly looking for new content, but I was so anxious about myself and talking about what I liked that I never really got to talking to the content creators I was adoring. I never talked to anyone about the happiness they filled my life with. I was having suicidal thoughts, but here they were, with their beautiful stories about pastel horses doing stuff. It kept me alive, and I never thanked them. I didn't talk to my own therapist about this, and yet I could have trusted this man with my life! That's how anxious I was talking about my hobbies.
During all this time, I was vaguely aware of the controversies about the fandom. To outsiders, we were a joke. A black sheep, to point at and laugh at. And I don't know how to feel about this, because now, I feel... they can be right. I'd like to say we generally have a safe and welcoming community. I'd love to say that everyone in the MLP fandom is nice and kind. But I feel like I can't say this. There is an uncomfortable number of alt-right sympathizers (read: fascists) that proudly wear MLP badges and such. There are an uncomfortable number of misogynistic assholes within the community. The fandom often gets angry over little nothings. I have met a number of homophobic, transphobic people within the community. I feel like Hasbro is uncomfortable of our very existence because of this.
I still remember that one guy in one of the forums I was visiting, that had as a signature (roughly translated): < "Lesbian ponies" is lunacy, and the worst idea the fandom ever came up with. > I didn't understand why this made me so uncomfortable while younger. Now I know why. It's the idea that lesbian cartoon ponies, homosexual fictional characters, should be treated as fucking jokes, that made me uncomfortable. This guy had no issues shipping a mare with a stallion. At the exact moment it was two mares together (and considering the very balanced cast of 90% mares, which I'm not complaining about by the way, the target is supposed to be girls), it was a joke. It wasn't serious. It was lunacy. This guy couldn't understand w/w pairings as anything else than a joke.
Holy shit.
Also. Adult content! I would usually argue against talking about the adult part of any fandom, 'cuz they're generally a more niche thing? I think? But when half of the featured box in your biggest fanfiction repository, fimfiction.net, is smut fiction, I'd also argue it's a part significant enough that you'll want to talk about it, so here we are. MLP adult content is like any content. There is the better part, which is... cute ponies having fun and it's also hot. And that may be just my perception, but I feel like that's not what the bulk of the content is. We get a lot more of... general sexism, rape, gore, exaggeration, "extreme" content. And y'know, if porn is your thing and you're able to dissociate the reality from what you watch, then go nuts or something. But as the audience gets younger (we used to get a lot of 40s in the fandom, now most who join are 15 or whatever), you'll also expose people that don't have the tools to deal with this stuff and will confuse it with reality. And I really think we as a fandom don't generally put up enough content warnings for that. Not nearly enough. (also. foalcon. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HAIRY. STOP DOING THAT.)
A whole lot of other shit, too! Weird ships that are both popular and potentially abusive! I used to ship Twilestia, aka a student and her mentor/motherly figure, which is NOT FINE! unless you screw with the canon to change a lot of things in their relationships. Don't get me started on Lunestia, they are SISTERS STOP DOING THIS INTERNET! Outside of shipping wars, now, there was that debate on one featured fic about whether making a joke about transgender people being traps and transwomen being disgusting was fun: it was a terrible joke, stop calling out others for being "overly sensitive". Fallout: Equestria, the crossover that literally split the fandom in half! That is not a joke. And what would be a good fandom without its edgy fiction where the entire country gets brainwashed, the women are now all slaves, the men are now all phallocentred assholes that spend their free time thing about sex or raping every woman they see? I'll tell you what it would be: A MUCH BETTER FANDOM. This story is literally "what if I narrated a game of FATAL"? And it's awful, of course, but also, absolutely exhausting.
So I stopped seeking MLP-related content. I was so focused on the negatives, at some point, I couldn't take it anymore. I took a pause. I stopped checking for updates on stories I was following, stopped making searches. Despite this, I was still reading stuff about other things. There sometimes was a joke about how bronies were all ugly fat kissless virgins, and it always hurt me to read it, because I knew it was a lie. But sometimes, I believed it. I never really got a chance to talk to anyone about this.
I'm glad I can now. I should have created my own little corner to scream into the void a long time ago. I should be able to talk about my interests, rather than reading what others think about them. Everybody should relieve themselves of the pressure sometimes. Can you believe I never once did that? I used to had a blog somewhere else, but the platform was and still is absolute garbage.
welp, here ends the rant. better post this on my tumblr too until I chicken out like I did with that infodump about that one game nobody cares about.