a collection of thoughts

i am going to fucking reajust the witch dress. it looks good but it's too low with its current sizing. it's designed to basically show everything above the nips, but i'm not comfortable with that yet + id rather wear a padded bra since i dont have a lot of Flesh here yet. maybe it'll change with time maybe i'll add more lmao idk.

i should begin work on that sunday! maybe ill post about it on sunday.

i also managed to write 10k words last month, hopefully i can write a bit this month and then have a good december at 15.5k words or sth! i'm hopeful.

im not going to lie and this isn't something ive advertised yet but ive definitely bought a number of cheap clothing items from aliexpress.

this is for a number of reasons. the shoes were because womens shoes for large feet are ridiculously expensive brand-name. ive found exactly 1 store that isn't stupidly expensive. and you still need to pay 50+ bucks for a pair. aliexpress shoes are shit but you can have a lot of them. and i think i needed to own a lot of girl clothes.
ive thirft shopped so many clothes. recently did a reordeing of my wardrobe and there's plenty ive bought but unfortunately dont wear that often. i can fix that.

that's not the point. the point is, alongside the regular boots and the cute lil sandal heels, ive also bought a bit of... kinky-ish articles i guess?

i have a lot of stuff i wear thats fun and probably unsafe for regular eyes, but i'm posting this because ive finally found a maid uniform i kinda fit in without feeling like i'm dying. even then it's a bit short and i'm going to have to look into options to extend it.
i also need to tighten one of my skirts a bit more.

ive bought a witch dress in a size i hope will be large enough for me to wear at the uni halloween party. i'm going to dye my hair red and wear a necklace and tights and the pair of boots (the one without heels) i have. i'm not going to receive it super early so i might spend a significant amount of time in it, and i can only hope it is worth it.

also thigh high socks are nice. love them. might use them instead of the tights. might not.

as an aside i wish i could find a space where people are just casually gnc. reddit is shit for that or anything

.

( An unfinished entry for a prompt: Killing your Demon Childhood Friend )

i doubt i'll ever finish this

to my parents only so far

apparently all the buildup I did wasn't for nothing, 'cuz they were already expecting it. heh.

theyve been quite accepting, mom noticeably more so, which makes sense considering i was already asking her for advice on shit like epilation n stuff. (i do epilate yeah, with a mechanical epilator. it hurts but skin... slippry like dolphin. ALSO NO LEG HAIR (or less).

im thinking of buying colored tights. fun tights. perhaps a bunch of new clothing. for which i totally have the money yaaaaaaaaa
(no)
(im panicking)

dad is still a bit in denial I think? ill have to make clear that even if I'm possibly nonbinary, I'm noticeably more fem that they give me credit for. at least I think so?

we'll have to have a names talk later... they weren't ready yet, and I don't blame them, but at the same time I'd like to move forward. I've been waiting for this moment for far too long.

the only way out is forward anyways, isnt it

which means it's time to talk about this new dress I bought! NO I'M KIDDING WE'RE ALSO TALKIN ABOUT MY POSSIBLE DYSOPHORIA AND GENERALLY MY GENDER INCONGRUENCE LOL

it's teracotta! which means it's a shade of orange. but it's adorable! I FRICKIN LOVE IT OK

also I have a ton of pantyhoses now, which is good. pantyhoses are soft and keep my legs warm and allow me to walk around with "bared legs" and not see my leg hair.
I can't frickin believe I hadnt figured that out earlier, but like. the entire reason for which I never wear shorts, and always wear long pants even in summer, and become super uncomfortable whenever people ask me to wear shorts, who cares, you're not going to get cold.

LEG HAIR. ITS FUCKIN LEG HAIR. I JUST HAVE THIS LEG HAIR AND I HATE IT. HIDE IT. HIDE IT AWAY. THAT IS WHY.
how did I not figure out I'm trans earlier holy shit. what's worse, I would TALK to this to my parents, and dad would be like "look I was like that at your age and I grew out of it" which wasn't helpful, and then mom would be like "boys don't do that. You could epilate, but it hurts like hell, so I shave my legs". Also, she wears skin-colored pantyhoses. Honestly i GET WHY FRICK

anY WAYS thanks to PANTYHOSES i can now wear my dresses + be warm + hide away my fuckin uhhhh LEG HAIR which grows back too fast but uh
here's the catch
please type "pantyhose" in a seach engine

that is correct: it's sexualized as heck. first you take away chokers, which are cool (that is fact, imagine a spiky choker: awesome, right? right.) and now you take aways frickn pantyhoses? I wont stand for that. pantyhoses are cute. let me have them or perish.

alSO I thought shopping for clothes in a full store would be awkward but guess what I was WRONG
in a full store nobody notices you, nobody cares. in the local clothes shop where there's no one EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU 100%
but in your local crowded supermarket thing? no one cares what everybody else is doing. you could be carrying a dishwasher on your back, no one would really say anything. not to mention, no one goes there to buy clothes, so the clothes area will most likely be empty. also the clothes are cheaper and you can have. DRESS.
but. there's nowhere to try them on, so you better know your size.



...Frick. I kinda want to take pics of me now. I'm fully clothed and everything so I might as well? I may post them later.

I kinda want to sleep with my clothes, but this pantyhose there is really cheap, so I'll almost certainly break it doing this... I could take it out, or I could enjoy a good comfy night. Mmmmh...

crap t's now 15:33 and I'm realizing I hadn't posted this. So I might as well give an update! the night was awesome, dress soft and warm, pantyhose comfy and fun. A v good night, one of the best I've had actually!

honestly pants are often super uncomfortable because they're apparently designed to be too tight on the legs? or am I missing something?

like thanks but no thanks, I'd like to be free of my own movement, and not be constantly reminded that I am in fact wearing uncomfortable pants

also for some reason my size is somewhat good for dresses? i'm at 40 EUR, which is pretty average here apparently

how is that related? idk

this aint the first time I bought girly clothes tho, more recently I had taken two shirts, ibcluding one that's too big 'cuz I misread the size, and my dad found one

so eithzr he's going to catch on to me and realize I'm not a boy, or he'll think I have a gf and we switched clothes

boy would that be conveninent... like, my parents know I'm pan, but I'm not sure they're ready to hear I'm trans too

that belt may have been a bit too long... I'll add another hole I guess

honestly what bothers me the most about most of mens choice of clothing is how bland it is. it's only black, grey, blue, and that's pretty much it. there's no color, no fun materials, nothing. it's boring. and don't get me started on the shoes, they're garbage too... is there anything worth keeping here?

speaking of shoes, I'm never getting any pair I like because my feet are too big, am I?

so I've been living away from my parents for six months now, to study. and honestly, so far, I'm glad I'm doing alright.

I was kinda worried about my housekeeping skills, to be honest. My parents never asked me to do my chores consistently as a kid, either cuz they forgot or cuz they thought I was going to mess stuff up. as a result, I have to learn everything, and it's... honestly, it's really fun.

the floor stays relatively clean, even tho I probably don't mop it as often as I should. I have a consistent laundry schedule, and have managed to not run out of clean clothes (there were a few close calls tho!) I'm close enough to supermarkets and malls that resupplying is easy enough on feet or with public transportation.

I've found out that actually needing to do stuff will make me do them? I'm genuinely glad that I got out of home as early as I could to learn these skills. being able to keep a house running is actually not extremely hard once you get the hang of it, even tho I still let the laundry or the dishes pile up occasionally. also I need more sleep? why don't I pull my big dumb body to bed earlier sometimes? ljkdhjdqsh

the biggest challenge I had to face is actually cooking! my dad's a pretty good cook, and I thought my mom was rather good, but she's not? cuz she hates cooking and would rather eat pre-made stuff? to be fair I actually could have guessed that, she never cooks outside of defrosting stuff or vapor-cooking... or whatever it's named
the point is, I had to learn how to cook myself. the first few months were pasta and rice only, with the occasional salad thrown in the middle, but now I'm getting pretty good at doing more complex dishes? I can do a p good bologna sauce, crepes, veggies. most of what I do is just.. cooking stuff and cutting stuff and mixing it and waiting, but it turns out that's what most cooking is : you cut stuff, you put it with other stuff, you heat it with boiling water or sth, you add other stuff, and you serve? it's oddly fun and satisfying.

k i'm shutting up now, I gotta do laundry

so the pun pony comic is an old brony project that has been around for seven years now. it's big, it's old, it's well known, and I don't like it.

I don't hate it either, but uh. alright, first I gotta explain what the pun pony ask blog comic is about.

so pun is a horse that's a member of the night guard, she's undercover as the Royal Toponymist (she names places and things) and she makes fun. She has a dark backstory and some weird superpower things? also she's good at fighting. honestly this is pretty mundane horse ask blog stuff. it's not very original, but it's fun anyways? the main feature of the pun blog is the pun that comes with each strip. It's cute, it's funny, and i like them.

....Liked.

It's not that the puns became terrible or anything. It's not that they added a backstory, or other characters, or did crossover events. I don't care about that; actually, I believe that's what makes ask blogs live. But uh, despite the writers' best efforts to make Pun a good character, relatable, and uh. nice? it's failing pretty bad, and has been failing pretty bad for the last few years. And that's because despite her cheerful demeanor, her easy-going behavior, her sense of humor, she remains fundamentally a monster. Pun as a character is broken. She is scarred. She never was able to move on after the death of her best friend, and despite that, joined the guard. She becomes as such able to take out her frustration and anger on those she deems enemies. Specifically, changelings.

Now, the changelings in that comic are depicted as being weird animals, unable to develop independent thought. They can be either drones, which are mindless, queens or clouders, which are obsessed with power above all else for some reason, and then vampires, which... exist? they're supposed to be the secret leaders of all changelingkind, but they mostly. do nothing? and hiss at strangers?

and pun just murders them all, all the time, relentlessly, and justifies this with... nothing? keeps pretending that she does not have anger management problems, playing it off as being fine. There even was a story arc where she was supposed to get better after, but nothing changed.

ALSO, Equestria is apparently a horse supremacist country? because apparently its better to have a literal dictator ruling rather than the bughorses? I kinda get it, but at the same time, it's dropped so casually and without explanation? help???

The Pun Pony Comic is ending soon, and with that end, we will prolly have the final showdown against the current villain, Supremus Longhorn. he's a prick, he's racist, he's smart and cruel. Guess what? I prefer him over pun, 'cuz he's a GOOD character. he's flawed, but so unapologetic in his flaws, in his villainy. that's not super original, sure, but... it's better than the main character, which just feels backwards and rushed.

also. conservative jokes. DID YOU GUYS HAVE TO.

don't consider this a real review tho. I don't like pun comic, but there's no reason you guys shouldn't enjoy it. I'm just frustrated and this post is the result.